Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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