I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
