oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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