I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
