So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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