just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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