I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
