He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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