I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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