Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
