I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
