So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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