I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
