Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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