Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
