Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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