My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
