I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
