Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
