I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
