I heard we made out
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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