walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
