Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
