I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
