Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
