woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
