How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
