Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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