You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
