Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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