Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
