By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
