May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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