Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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