I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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