How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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