You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
