Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
