I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
