in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
