but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
