Got a toothbrush?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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