so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
