I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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