What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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