took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
