Pappa wants mamma naked
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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