she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
