i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
