Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
