We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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