I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
