I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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