where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
