Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
