i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
