She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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