alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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