"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
