so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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