party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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