just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My bed smells like the plague
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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