If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
