FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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