just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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