Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
