We're facebook friends in real life
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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