update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize