I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
