how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
