see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
