you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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