Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
